Because trust is the antidote to fear. But we forgot that “to trust” is a choice that we make, a choice that is down to us – we imagine that it is something made possible by other people or external circumstance.

Think about it for a moment. Why do we not trust? Because we are afraid of being manipulated, hurt, abused or betrayed. But, as I’ve written elsewhere, what we trust when we say we “trust” is not the actual person or the circumstance or the group … or even ourselves. What we trust is a complex of assumptions, which may or may not be accurate, built up by a series of experiences, which may or may not be relevant.

I’m sure we’ve all had the experience of being absolutely sure about someone or something, only to find out that our “certainties” were wrong, that what we thought was true was only a set of assumptions projected on our hapless subject through no fault of their own …

And why do we do this? To deflect from our fear of trusting ourselves, of course … from accepting ultimate accountability for the circumstances we have accepted, for the lives we have created for ourselves and those whom we affect …

When you ski, do you know what’s going to happen on the slopes? No, but you push off and trust that you’ll be able to cope with whatever comes along … Do you know what’s going to happen when you start a game of tennis, start a conversation with your partner or your children?

What do we trust when we do this? And what are we not trusting when we draw back into our self-made prisons of fear and false dependency?

What stops us admitting that we do not know, that our future has never existed before? Our lives are emerging from the moment-to-moment interaction of our purpose and actions with the dynamic multiplicity of events around us … What stops us admitting to ourselves that we are co-creating the world – and ourselves – with everyone and everything else around us as we go along?

What do we need to trust, what fear do we need to let go of, to enable us to rejoice in living what we know to be true for ourselves while celebrating the fact that that truth will change as we grow, evolve and develop in ways that we cannot imagine?

Sometimes, when coaching clients, they will identify a course of action, only to shy away from it saying “But I couldn’t possibly to that!”

“Why not?”

“Well, I would lose my job!”

“Oh dear .. then what would happen?”

(A look of catastrophising terror in the eyes) “I could lose the house, the kids schooling, everything!”

“Oh, that would be terrible! What would be the first thing that you would do if you lost your job?”

“Well, I suppose I’d look for another one.”

“You are pretty successful … what are the chances of your finding another job before your severance package runs out?”

“Pretty good, I suppose”

“And tell me, with all the experience you’ve gained from this job, is that new job likely to be better or worse than this one?”

“Well, better, I suppose …”

“So the worst that might happen if you lose your job, is that you get a better one?”

“Er, yes … Wow!”